Swedish navy joke


Gustav was a vocal opponent of what he saw as the abuse of political privileges seized by the nobility since the death of King Charles XII.

A bulwark of enlightened despotismGustav spent considerable public funds on cultural ventures, which were controversial among his critics, as well as military attempts to seize Norway with Russian aid, then a series of attempts to re-capture the Swedish Baltic dominions lost during the Great Northern War through the failed war with Russia.

Nonetheless, his successful leadership in the Battle of Svensksund averted a complete military defeat and signified that Swedish military might was to be countenanced. An admirer of VoltaireGustav legalized Catholic and Jewish presence in Sweden, and enacted wide-ranging reforms aimed at economic liberalismsocial reform and the restriction, in many cases, of torture and capital punishment.

The much-praised Freedom of the Press Act of was severely curtailed, however, by amendments in andeffectively extinguishing independent media. Following the uprising against the French monarchy inGustav pursued an alliance of princes aimed at crushing the insurrection and re-instating his French counterpart, King Louis XVIoffering Swedish military assistance as well as his leadership. In he was mortally wounded by a gunshot in the lower back during a masquerade ball as part of an aristocratic-parliamentary coup attempt, but managed to assume command and quell the uprising before succumbing to sepsis 13 days later, a period during which he received apologies from many of his political enemies.

Gustav's immense powers were placed in the hands of a regency under his brother Prince Carl and Gustaf Adolf Reuterholm until his son and successor Gustav IV Adolf reached adulthood in A patron of the arts and benefactor of arts and literature, Gustav founded the Swedish Academycreated a national costume and had the Royal Swedish Opera built.

In he founded the Royal Order of Vasa to acknowledge and reward those Swedes who had contributed to advances in the fields of agriculture, mining and commerce. InGustav III was the first formally neutral head of state in the world to recognize the United States [3] during its war for independence from Great Britain.

Swedish military forces were engaged by the thousands on the side of the colonists, [4] largely through the French expedition force. Gustav was born in Stockholm. Nonetheless, he perhaps owed most of what shaped him during his early education to the poet and historian Olof von Dalin. State interference with his education as a young child caused significant political disruptions within the royal family. Gustav's parents taught him to despise the governors imposed upon him by the Riksdag, and the atmosphere of intrigue and duplicity in which he grew up made him precociously experienced in the art of dissimulation.

Even his most hostile teachers were amazed by his combination of natural gifts. Moreover, he possessed already as a boy the charm of manner that was to make him so fascinating and so dangerous in later life, coupled with a strong dramatic instinct that won him an honourable place in Swedish literature.

On the whole, Gustav cannot be said to have been well educated, but he read widely; there was scarcely a French author of his day with whose works he was not intimately acquainted.

His enthusiasm for the ideas of the French enlightenment was as sincere as that of his mother, if more critical. Gustav was first impressed by Sophia Magdalena's beauty, but her silent nature made her a disappointment in court life.

The match was not a happy one, owing partly to an incompatibility of temperament, but still more to the interference of Gustav's jealous mother, Queen Louisa Ulrika. For the consummation of the marriage, the king and queen requested actual physical instruction by Count Adolf Munckreportedly because of anatomical problems of both spouses.

There were also rumors that the queen was made pregnant by Munck, who would then be the true father of the heir Prince Gustav Adolf. It was rumored at the time that Gustav was homosexual[10] a possibility asserted by some writers. His sister-in-law Charlotte implied as much in her famous diary. King Gustav was especially fond of him and suffered obvious and severe mental and physical reactions to the baby's illness and death. Gustav first intervened actively in politics during the December Crisiswhen he compelled the dominant Cap factionwhich mainly represented the interests of the peasantry and clergy, to summon an extraordinary diet from which he hoped for the reform of the constitution in way that would increase the power of the crown.

But the victorious Hat partywhich mainly represented the interests of the aristocracy and military establishment, refused to redeem the pledges that they had given before the previous elections. Gustav found greater success abroad. From 4 February to 25 MarchGustav was in Pariswhere he carried both the court and the city by storm. The poets and the philosophers paid him enthusiastic homage, and distinguished women testified to his superlative merits.

With many of them he maintained a lifelong correspondence. His visit to the French capital was, however, no mere pleasure trip; it was also a political mission.

Confidential agents from the Swedish court had already prepared the way for him, and the Duke of Choiseulthe retired Chief Minister, resolved to discuss with him the best method of bringing about a revolution in France's ally, Sweden. Before he departed, the French government undertook to pay the outstanding subsidies to Sweden unconditionally, at the rate of one and a half million livres annually.

Count de Vergennesone of the most prominent French diplomats, was transferred from Constantinople to Stockholm. On his way home, Gustav paid a short visit to his uncle, Frederick the Greatat Potsdam.

Frederick bluntly informed his nephew that, in concert with Russia and Denmarkhe had guaranteed the integrity of the existing Swedish constitution; he advised the young monarch to play the part of mediator and abstain from violence.USAers are pretty darn parochial.

We have for years lumped all Spanish-speaking countries into one category. They're all alike, right? That's the way most Americans view Scandinavians. There are a lot of similarities between the Scandinavian countries, but Scands are fiercely proud of their differences.

Perhaps that's why I'm so entertained by the friendly and sometimes not-so-friendly rivalry between the different Scandinavian countries. So, I would like to collect these Scandihoovian jokes on this page. You will notice that most of these jokes could be told about any group. They are equivalent to the old American 'Polack' joke. Ruotsalainen mietti hieman ja lopulta suostui, osittain muun asiakaskunnan vaatimuksesta.

The Finn smashed the first bottle on the Swede's head, then the second and so on, but he stopped after smashing nine bottles. Suomalainen ruotsalainen ja norjalainen haaksirikkoituivat pienelle saarelle.

Ensin kysyttiin Norjalaiselta. Vaimo haettiin norjalaiselle. A Finn, a Swede and a Norwegian found themselves deserted on a small island. A Cannibal tribe lived on the island, and they emprisoned the three men. The cannibals gave each of them a final wish. First they asked the Norwegian.

swedish navy joke

The Norwegian wanted to see his wife once more. The cannibals went to find the wife. After he saw his wife, the Norwegian was eaten, and the cannibals made a canoe out of his skin. The Finn wanted to smoke one more cigarette. He got his cigarette. After he was finished, he was eaten and his skin was used to make a canoe.

Then came the Swede's turn - he wanted a fork. What is a party game played by Swedes? One Swede goes into a box and the other Swede tries to guess which Swede is in it. Juuri kun olen saanut mahtavat voitot. There was a sandwich machine in a Swedish factory. Sven didn't quite understand what the machine was about though.

swedish navy joke

He went to the machine and paid his ten kroners and got one sandwich.He he, you are always so crazy bro! Indeed, I hope we will meet with such a great vessel in the near future. Keep up the good work. People who are really interested in military affairs know who you are and the quality of the work that you do. It was a shake and a wake up call nessesary for the Greek naval reality Seriously though, a such move from the shipowners would have been great. To spend a bunch of money to make Averof sailable again should be out of question.

Translate in your language! I found it really funny to be honest, someone to spend so much money to repair an old museum vessel and make it sailable again when the priorities of the Hellenic Navy are so many and when the country is broke. Therefore I wanted to raise up an issue, to see the reactions of the people and moreover to test the Greek media.

This was not an easy decision for me to make and took a lot of consideration before I posted the fake news. I hope that my followers will not have bad feelings and enjoyed the joke as much as I did. I must admit also that I was not expecting that huge domino effect and the reproduction of my "news" in so many blogs and websites and most important in so many variations!

I was also seriously "bombed" from dozens of phone calls and private messages. I decided quickly that my "news" should based on the most popular discussion the last two years in the defense media and forums: the free acquisition of second-hand Arleigh Burke class destroyers of the United States of America.

This is the dream of many Greeks including myself who desire to see a powerful Hellenic Navy with few but mighty ships carrying Standard Missiles SM-2 that are capable to provide significant added range to the anti-aircraft 'umbrella' around the Greek fleet and the hundreds of Greek islands.

swedish navy joke

Someone could remember an article I wrote about five months ago titled The major surface combatants of the most powerful European Navies in where I mention among others the lack of any plan for the future for the Hellenic Navy due to the country's bad economic condition. Today, Hellenic Navy has in its inventory 13 frigates but without any declared replacement plan for the future, 17 fast attack craft and 11 submarines of which the five 5 are some of the most advanced in Europe but the rest need replacement.

The Navy looks quite strong but in reality the majority of the surface vessels and the submarines will be yrs old after ! The joke should be short, detailed and. Moreover, in order to be as much as believable as possible, I decided that it should not be on the same day with the April Fool's Day, but just hours earlier. This was a "minor fault" let's say.

I chose two old vessels in the Arleigh Burke class that will not be upgraded in the future and that have short names because Twitter has word limit.

Therefore I posted the following one "news" on Facebook and Twitter. Notice that I did not mention any source something that should sound suspicious for those who follow my page would know that this is something very rare for Naval Analyses blog. On Twitter I added the following phrase to underline the importance of the acquisition: "The two destroyers will be definitely the most advanced warships in the Mediterranean and the first AAW ships for Greece after about 15 yrs.

The frigates that are about to be decommissioned are ThemistoclesAegeonKanaris and Nikiforos Fokas.

Jokes Scandinavians Tell About Each Other

The destroyers will be delivered without their Phalanx CIWS, thus the four CIWS from the before-mentioned frigates each ships carries one will be installed on the two destroyers two for each vessel. The two destroyers will be definitely the most advanced warships in the Mediterranean and the first AAW ships for Greece after about 15 yrs.

And the domino effect began! The "news" reproduced almost everywhere in Greek news blogs and websites. I mention here some of them and I highlight what changed in the text. First I should point out there were very few who contacted me to ask if this is real. Those who run the blogs I mentioned, are indeed really professionals.Login or Sign Up.

Jokes about the swedish navy. Posts Latest Activity. Page of 4. Filtered by:. Previous 1 2 3 4 template Next. Jokes about the swedish navy August 28, How do you sink a Swedish battleship? Looks like yet another swedish warship sunk by danes heva been found.

With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion. Steven Weinberg. Tags: None.

Barcode Jokes

August 28, Sweden has a navy? Comment Post Cancel. August 29, It's very stealthy so you might not know about it yet. Google Visby class. Originally posted by BlackCat View Post. August 30, Originally posted by Kitschum View Post.

Today, you are the waves of the Pacific, pushing ever eastward. You are the sequoias rising from the Sierra Nevada, defiant and enduring. When I was growing up, all of these jokes had the Italian Navy as the target. It's almost as if all his overconfident, absolutist assertions were spoonfed to him by a trusted website or subreddit. Originally posted by Lonestar View Post.

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Originally posted by rah View Post. Ben Kenobi. Except when the Storebaelt froze over. This is what I wished for Originally posted by Ben Kenobi View Post.

There used to be this massive city somewhere in the NL, Dorestad, which p00f vanished after the Vikings visited. Of course, how has Scandinavia distinguished itself after the Vikings, one might ask?

By topping "best place to live" lists. Last edited by BlackCat ; August 30, Add H.Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information. How many Swedish people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? I have no IKEA. This joke may contain profanity. I'm just here to let you all know gratrunka is the Swedish word for crying while masturbating Ain't that a real tear jerker?????

English: A dog. Swedish: What? English: The dog. English: Two dogs. Swedish: Okay. English: No, go away. Swedish: No one invited you. He's eager to get a job, find a place to live, and start his new life in America, but after such a long and hard journey, his first stop is to get a drink to unwind!

He walks into the first Hitler commits suicide and appears in front of god God:"You already know you're going to hell, but before that I'll give you one wish.

A swedish reporter traveled to Finland during WW2 to interview a finnish soldier Once in Finland, he found a soldier sitting outside some tents.

Either you live or you die. If you Want to hear a Swedish joke? Swedish astronomer Andres Celcius died in at the age of 43 Though his rival, Fahrenheit, was convinced he was Finnish, swedish and norwegian went to bar because life sucks and alcohol is their way to escape it. What did the Swedish hedge say to the other Swedish hedge?

swedish navy joke

Why do Swedish ships have barcodes on them? So that when they pull into port they can Scandinavian. Why does the Swedish navy have bar codes on the sides of their ships?

Lighthouse and naval vessel urban legend

So that when they come back to port, they can scandinavian. How a swedish man threatens. If you don't hand over the moneyPlease note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information. I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader. The look on his face was priceless. Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on all of their ships?

Why do Swedish battleships have barcodes painted on their side So the Swedish can scan their navy in. Why did Sweden start putting barcodes on their newest fleet of battleships? So they could Scandinavian. Why do Swedish battleships have barcodes printed on the sides? So that when they return to port they can scandinavyin.

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Must be hard understanding Barcodes You gotta read between the lines. Why do Icelandic ships have barcodes? The striking dock workers complained there is Norway they can go to a ship with a clipboard, Denmark it as arrived and Finnish the whole business before sunset.

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New tech helped Sweden the deal. Did you hear about the cashier who did tricks with the barcode machine, but still charged full price? She was a scan artist. What does a barcode say if he bumps into another barcode? SKU me. Did you hear that the Swedish navy started adding barcodes to their ships recently? Yeah, they wanted to be able to scan da navy in. At the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode I asked, "Are you two an item?

I was visiting a Buddhist temple last week Just for a tour, when I got there, there was a temple and a small market outside. The place was amazing, so I decided to go and have a look at the small market outside it. When I got there, I noticed a small piece of paper on the floor, and it had a barcode on it and it read "One free blessin I'm not saying that the people in my city have bad teeth But a guy just went through the self scan checkout at Wal-Mart, smiled and the barcode scanner picked it up as an electric crockpot.

A Chinese student is quite good with mental calculation He is a third-year student in a university, major in Computer Science. And he works part time in a convenient store near his uni. This joke may contain profanity. A woman is walking around a grocery store When she finally collects what she came for, she makes her way to the cashier and unloads her basket onto the conveyer. The clerk begins to ring up her items; He grabs her container of mixed salad greens and passes it over the barcode scanner.

What do you call an Ethiopian family photo? A barcode. I was checking out a Jewish girl the other day. Her barcode wouldn't scan.The lighthouse and naval vessel urban legend describes an encounter between a large naval ship and what at first appears to be another vessel, with which the ship is on a collision course.

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The naval vessel, usually identified as of the United States Navy and generally described as a battleship or aircraft carrierrequests that the other ship change course.

The other party generally identified as Canadian or often Irish and occasionally Spanish responds that the naval vessel should change course, whereupon the captain of the naval vessel reiterates the demand, identifying himself and the ship he commands and sometimes making threats. This elicits a response worded as " I'm a lighthouse. Your call " or similarlya punchline which has become shorthand for the entire anecdote.

It has circulated on the Internet and elsewhere in particular since a iteration that was represented as an actual transcript of such a communication released by the office of the U.

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Chief of Naval Operations. There appears to be no evidence that the event actually took place, and the account is implausible for several reasons. The U. Navy has a webpage debunking it, [3] although this did not stop the former U. In a Swedish company dramatized it in an award-winning television advertisement.

A commonly circulated version goes thus: [2]. Other vessels sometimes named in the transcript include the carriers EnterpriseCoral Sea and Nimitzand the Missouria battleship.

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The Virginian-Pilotthe daily newspaper in NorfolkVirginia, a city with a large naval presence, investigated the story after it had begun circulating extensively on and off the Internet in A spokesman for the Atlantic Fleet called it "a totally bogus story".

Boorda's office said it had not released any such transcript on the date in question. And not only was the story an old one, the ships commonly named in it were mostly either out of service by the Coral Seafor example, had been scrapped two years before [1] or not aircraft carriers.

Other sources the paper consulted found more flaws with the story. A spokesman for the Coast Guardwhich operates all American lighthouses, said that they had all long since been automated, so there would have been no one in one to talk to a ship, if the incident had taken place in US waters. He speculated that it had been circulated by members of the Coast Guard to make fun of the Navy. Four years later, in response to a report that a consultant continued to tell the story at speeches as if it were a true occurrence, Fast Company talked to Wayne Wheeler, a former Coast Guardsman who was then head of an enthusiasts' group called the US Lighthouse Society.

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